At 3 a.m., I was staring at the ceiling and counting the 427th electric sheep when I suddenly realized that beads of sweat were running down my spine from the back of my neck—the damn 13th hot flash. As a health blogger, I have written elegantly about “hormonal fluctuations” in my articles, but when my menopause really came, I just wanted to howl at the moon. Today, I want to tear off the textbook decency and talk to you about this absurd drama that even the screenwriter of “The Handmaid’s Tale” couldn’t write.

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Hormonal Roller Coaster (with a Screaming Guide) ‌

Remember the menstrual cycle chart in high school biology class? Menopause is like someone crumpled up that neat flowchart, threw it into a shredder, and sprinkled it into tequila. When I found out that I hadn’t had my period for three consecutive months, my Google search history instantly changed from “best yoga poses” to “possibility of pregnancy at 45”, even though my uterus should have hung a neon “closed” sign long ago.

Hard-core data you need to know: ‌

American women enter menopause at an average age of 51, but foreplay (perimenopause) may last 4-8 years

During a hot flash, the skin temperature can rise by 5°C, which is equivalent to pouring half a spoonful of hot sauce into the blood vessels

60% of women will experience “brain fog”, but MRI shows that the menopausal brain is reorganizing the neural network

Emily, a neurologist interviewed last week, made a wonderful analogy: “Imagine the brain is a rock scene, and estrogen is the sound engineer. When the sound engineer suddenly goes on strike, the band members start to improvise solos-this is why you put your car keys in the refrigerator.”

Chapter 2: Those hidden levels that no one tells you‌

When I cried in front of the freezer at Whole Foods (damn emotional fluctuations), I finally understood why 72% of American women are reluctant to talk to their employers about menopause. Our generation has been taught since childhood that “you can have everything”, but no one taught us how to remain decent between the board of directors and the hot attacks when the body begins to betray us.

Symptoms blind box may open: ‌

After night sweats soaked three pajamas, I found that Amazon recommended adult diapers
Vaginal dryness caused by friction produces static electricity, and hair suddenly stood up when kissing my husband
Joint pain makes you moan like a 90-year-old woman in yoga class

Reader Caitlin’s email made me laugh to tears: “Now every time a hot flash comes, I feel like the crew member in “Alien”, and I feel like something is about to burst out of my chest!” But the coping plan she shared in the attachment is genius: carry frozen grapes with you, which can both cool down and prevent overeating.

Chapter 3: HRT – Angel or Devil? ‌

The panic caused by the 2002 WHI research report made hormone replacement therapy (HRT) bear the blame for 20 years. But when my gynecologist showed me the latest data, my glasses almost fell off: the risk of stroke with transdermal estrogen patches is actually lower than drinking two glasses of red wine a day.

Survival Guide for 2023: ‌

Topical estrogen cream rekindles sexual desire in 78% of women (with readers’ actual test of the best time to use: when your husband is washing dishes)
Black cohosh + St. John’s wort combination is as effective as “Xanax in the plant world”
Bioidentical hormones customized for genetic testing are more affordable than Hermès scarves

The wild ways I have tried include: stuffing ice packs in bras in Target bathrooms, using Korean wormwood patches to suppress hot flashes, and following the menopausal influencers on TikTok to dance to “pelvic floor disco”. The effect ratings ranged from A+ to F, but at least 30,000 views were obtained.

Chapter 4: When technology goes to war with the body‌

A friend in Silicon Valley gave me a menopausal version of the Apple Watch, which can monitor the galvanic response of the skin to predict hot flashes. As a result, during the meeting the next day, the device suddenly vibrated and warned: “Nuclear-level hot flashes are expected in 120 seconds!” Under the gaze of the whole audience, I grabbed iced lemonade to pour on my head – I didn’t expect that it would be favored by venture capitalists, who called it a “disruptive crisis management case.”

Black technology in the future: ‌

The smart bra developed by MIT absorbs 550 calories through phase change materials

Vaginal laser therapy device, rated by Time magazine as “the sexiest medical invention of the 21st century”
Brain-computer interface training, using neurofeedback to tame the out-of-control sympathetic nervous system

But the message from 78-year-old reader Martha made me sober: “I experienced menopause without the Internet. The secret is to scream three times a day at the oak tree in the backyard.” Sometimes, low-tech solutions are more healing.

Chapter 5: The Dark Revolution that Rewrites the Social Script‌

When I experienced my Nth hot flash at Starbucks, I finally tore off the hypocritical veil of “aging gracefully”, took off my vest and jumped on the counter, shouting: “If anyone says this is a ‘private topic for women’ again, I will burn his cappuccino with my menopausal anger!” Unexpectedly, there was applause at the scene – three girls born in the 2000s came to take a photo, saying that I was an “anti-age discrimination activist idol”.

The rules of the game we are changing:‌

New York law firms began to provide “menopausal leave”, which is included in paid sick leave
The topic #HotFlashFashion emerged on Instagram, and the sweaty suit photo received millions of likes
California passed a bill requiring workplaces to be equipped with menopausal-friendly temperature zones

The “midnight rampage club” initiated by readers has spread to 23 states – we ran wildly in the night wearing luminous running shoes, and our sweat formed crystal salt under the street lights. Every step crushed the invisible expectations of society for middle-aged women.

Epilogue: Become your own alchemist

There are three things on my bedside table now: a biofeedback device, a moonstone given by a Cuban witch doctor, and a graffiti of “Mom Flame Warrior” drawn by my daughter. When estrogen recedes, life shows amazing reshaping power – my bone density is higher than when I was young, my creativity has broken through the ceiling, and even my reaction speed to people is 0.3 seconds faster.

Menopause is not a terminal, but a wormhole to an unknown planet. When I was shooting a fitness video last week, I deliberately let my sweat shine in front of the camera: “See? This is the glory of women over 45!” When the video rushed to the trend list, I knew that 100,000 sisters were wiping their sweat and laughing at the same time.

So next time you wake up in the middle of the night with a fever, remember to open the window and give the starry sky a middle finger – at this cosmic rebellious party, we have the right to play earth-shatteringly. After all, women who can control body temperature and emotions at the same time, what human rules can restrain us?